Some error occured while loading the Quick View. Please close the Quick View and try reloading the page.
An exploration of the messy but liberating process of defining and decentring inner narratives of shame, fear and regret for one’s own queer identity.
Queerphobic and transphobic messaging can arrive from nearly any direction, and once queer and trans people are exposed to the fear, disgust and judgement people have for otherness, it can easily fester into internalized oppression.
In a society that promotes the narrative of self-loathing queers, loving and accepting ourselves can be hard to imagine, let alone achieve. Author and activist Mx. Nillin Lore has first-hand insight into the complex inner journey of decluttering the guilt, shame and anxiety that can feed our inner discriminator, and in Carry On, they provide a guided expedition through the source material of our own erasure.
A self-reflective journey and a toolset for dismantling inflammatory inner frameworks, this is a practical and encouraging guide for those ready and willing to unpack their internalized queerphobic and transphobic baggage.
"The warm and informative self-help book Carry On brims with supportive words for queer and trans people, drawing on scholarship, stories, and advice from activist Nillin Lore and others... It celebrates queer heroes in accessible, sometimes punchy language, and it notes that 'Choosing to be affirming, welcoming, uplifting, inspiring and caring in the face of all the adversity that we experience is a true fucking power move.' It even closes with five final affirmations. A compassionate self-help book, Carry On gathers advice from diverse role models on navigating contemporary queer life."—Meredith Grahl Counts, Foreword
Foreword
Acknowledgements
Chapter One: Tainted Love: An Introduction to Internalization
How to Use This Book
How Internalization Works
Choice Theory
The Iceberg Model
Your Own Principled Approach
Chapter Two: Under Pressure: A Look at Oppressive Social Systems
Small Town Transphobia
All The Little Things
Big-City Queer Problems
Queerphobia in All Its Forms
Cisnormativity, Heteronormativity and Amatonormativity in Action
Sexual Shame, Body Negativity and Fetishization
Disability, Neurodivergence and Ableism
Racism and Queerness
Don’t Let Your Light Go Out
How to Stop Internalization Before It Happens
Practical Ways to Make Your Perspective and Environment More Queer and Trans Affirming
Your Life Well Lived
Chapter Three: Product of My Own Design: The Ins and Outs of the Closet
Life on Hold
Closets: Where the Queers Go to Hide
Oh My God
Love Lost
The Cost of Living
What Else Keeps People Closeted
The Hard Questions
Why We Came Out
Guidance, Encouragement and Words of Wisdom from Some of Your Peers
Chapter Four: I Wanna Dance with Somebody: Finding Your Way Back to Community
What Finding Community Might Look Like
Don’t Fear the Queer
Distance Makes the Heart Grow Harder
If You Build It, They Will Come
Finding and Easing into the Larger Queer Community at Your Own Pace
Embracing Our Histories
Chapter Five: Dig Me Out: Challenging and Overcoming Lateral Violence
Racism in Queer Spaces
Queerphobia and Transphobia in Personal Relationships
Scapegoating for the “Greater Good”
Recognizing and Avoiding Gatekeeping
The Gender Binary and Passing Pressure
Tone Policing in Queer Advocacy and Activism
Not “Rocking the Boat”
Choosing Compassion
Chapter Six: Talk to Me: Setting Your Personal Boundaries and Nonnegotiables
Figuring Out Your Needs
Consequences and Follow-Through
Compromising and Negotiating in Good Faith
Nonnegotiables
Healthy Boundaries, Healthy Minds
Chapter Seven: Queen of the Rodeo: Self- Advocacy as a Marginalized Queer
There’s Always a Bigger Boss
Developing a Personal Support System
Your Voice and Intentions as an Advocate
Chapter Eight: True Colours: Queer Affirmations and Stories of Joy
Five Affirmations to Help You Unpack
Celebrations of the Self
Tell Your Own Story
Endnotes
Glossary
Further Reading
Resources
Index