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A guide to breaking free from the enduring, and sometimes damaging, behavioral patterns we learned in childhood.
As we try to navigate the complexities and anxieties of adulthood, considering our childhoods can feel like a daunting task. They happened so long ago; we can probably barely remember, let alone relate to, the little person we used to be. But one of the most powerful explanations for why we struggle as adults is that we were denied the opportunity to fully be ourselves as children.
Whether our parents or caregivers were strict disciplinarians, overly fragile, or distant and preoccupied, the way we were taught to act as children deeply influences how we behave as adults. We might have assumed the role of caregiver, become people pleasers, or learned to tell lies to protect ourselves, burying our true needs and desires deep underground.
When we thoroughly examine our upbringings, the larger implications for our adult selves become clear. Once we understand the roots from which our flaws stem, we can begin to correct the harmful behaviors we mistakenly believe to be innate.
This book is a guide to better understanding our younger selves in order to shape who we wish to be today. It explores to what extent we can pin our actions in the present to our experiences in the past, and how we can break free from the learned patterns of our childhoods.
- CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE for moving on from our childhoods.
- DRAWING FROM THE PSYCHOLOGICAL teachings of Sigmund Freud, Melanie Klein and Donald Winnicott.
- EXPLORES POPULAR CONCEPTS such as “The Golden Child,” splitting, and emotional inheritance.
- UNLEARN PROBLEMATIC CHILDHOOD HABITS to improve our current emotional condition.
"A concise, eye opening and important book on how our childhood experiences effect who we are today. After reading this short book, I feel I have gained a lot by being aware of these very significant and important learnings and teachings."
"This book is a coherent and concise primer on being a human who was once small and has since grown. Overcoming your childhood doesn’t mean it had to have been particularly difficult, but certainly we are all uncovering the ways in which our upbringing affected us."
"My upbringing wasn’t traumatic by any definition, but this book did help me understand my parents a lot better, and it also pointed out the things I’ll need to be aware of myself as a parent. Hugely insightful. Quick and easy to read."
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The School of Life Press brings together the thinking and ideas of the School of Life creative team under the direction of series editor, Alain de Botton. Their books share a coherent, curated message that speaks with one voice: calm, reassuring, and sane.
Introduction
The Forgotten Past
The Secrets of a Privileged Childhood
Emotional Inheritance
Childhood-Derived Challenges
Attraction to Difficult Partners
Snobbish Parents
People-Pleasing
Criticism
The True and the False Self
Shame, Dread and Anxiety
The Golden Child Syndrome
Over-Achievement
Jolliness
Splitting
Ways Forward
The Importance of a Breakdown
Why Psychotherapy Works
Knowing Things Intellectually vs. Knowing Them Emotionally
What We Owe to the People Who Loved Us in Childhood
On Soothing
Beyond Compliance
The Tragedy of Childhood
Becoming an Adult
The Bittersweet Past